Hello, creative community! I want to address something I see repeatedly across the arts industry – something that can determine whether an artist is still pursuing their passion a year from now or has given up entirely.
I’m talking about negative self-talk.
The Problem We Don’t Talk About Enough
After years of working with professional voice artists, actors, dancers, and singers (and being one myself), I’ve witnessed a disturbing pattern: artists have terrible self-talk. And I genuinely hope you’re reading this thinking, “Not me! I’m full of confidence and self-esteem!”
But for many of us, the reality is different.
Perhaps it’s the competitive nature of our industries. Maybe we’ve spent so long hearing others’ opinions that we’ve unconsciously adopted them as our own truth. Or perhaps we’ve simply fallen into a habit of negative self-talk that feels so familiar, we don’t even recognise it as problematic anymore.
What Does Negative Self-Talk Look Like?
It’s the running commentary in your head:
- “Oh, I should have done that differently”
- “I should have looked that way”
- “See, I did that again – that’s just me”
- “I never have a clue”
- “Here I am again, still can’t do this”
Some of you might be smiling right now, already knowing your self-talk is harsh. You might even be able to count 50 instances in half a day where you’ve said something critical to yourself.
The Exhaustion Factor
I’ve noticed my own self-talk becomes particularly questionable when I’m overworked and tired. Sound familiar? When we’re exhausted, that critical voice gets louder and more insistent.
The difference is that I’m now well-versed in catching it. I can say, “Hang on a minute. You’re actually exhausted. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough of that.” I can be objective with myself.
But before I learned to do that? It could spiral. It could spiral into believing that harsh voice was telling the truth – when it absolutely wasn’t.
Adults Are Terrible Beginners
Here’s something I’ve observed repeatedly: adults have a very difficult time starting something new. We’re not good beginners. We’re not comfortable saying, “I know nothing here. Throw it all at me. I’m going to mess up a thousand times, make a hundred mistakes, and just keep going.”
Yet that mindset – that way of speaking to yourself – will ensure that the person a year from now is still plugging away and giving their craft a real chance.
I’ve worked with many clients who arrive with harsh self-talk right at the beginning of their journey. I’ll ask: “Aren’t you an actor? A singer? Didn’t you have to start somewhere in those disciplines? Were you this cruel to yourself when you started?” The answer is usually no.
Challenging the Voices
Here’s the crucial question: Are these critical voices actually yours?
This is work you can do – sometimes independently, but often best done with a professional therapist or counsellor. It can be confronting to realise, “Oh my goodness, that voice is coming from X, Y, and Z in my life” – perhaps family, teachers, or past colleagues whose criticism you’ve internalised.
Once you identify the source, you have choices. You can find your way of dealing with those external influences and building resilience against them.
Practical Steps Forward
- Write It Down: Sit at the end of a week and notice your patterns. You might think, “This week I haven’t done any practice that I said I was going to do. I suck.” But catch yourself there.
Instead, look realistically at what else you’ve been doing. I’m sure there were valid reasons you didn’t practice. More importantly, beating yourself up about it won’t make you feel inspired to try again on Monday.
- Soften the Self-Talk: Through the years, I’ve transformed my relationship with my inner voice. I started with harsh self-talk and had to work with a therapist to identify that those voices weren’t actually mine. Now it sticks out like a sore thumb when I have a negative thought.
I have what I call “a little army” that comes in and says, “Oh, hang on a second. Not welcome here.” I can challenge negative thoughts and move on quickly.
- Recognise the Weirdness: When you’re putting in the work and trying really hard to progress, notice how weird it is to have a voice saying, “I could have done that better. I could have tried harder.”
That voice doesn’t serve a purpose. It’s not the same as constructive self-assessment, where you try your best and thoughtfully consider how to improve next time.
The Perfectionism Dance
Negative self-talk dances heavily with perfectionism. We need to find ways to “nip it in the arse” (as we say) and reframe our thinking.
I’m all for people trying their best and working out if something was the best they could do, then trying again. But I’m not for the kind of negative self-talk that tears you down without purpose or a path forward.
Your Challenge This Week
Let me know in the comments: Did this resonate? Do you have good self-talk or shocking negative self-talk?
If you’re courageous and vulnerable enough to share, please do. This is how we grow together – by being honest about the stuff that’s difficult. Negative self-talk doesn’t help anyone, but talking about it might help all of us.
When you’re trying really hard to make it and get where you want to go, there’s no room for that destructive little voice. It’s time to build your own army against it.